22-08-03

Woordenboek van de duivel

Ene Greg Knauss doet een poging een " Devil's dictonary" te maken van de 20ste eeuw. Een "warblog" wordt er gedefinieerd als "A syndrome, consisting largely of myopia and cognitive dissonance, that prevents the afflicted from perceiving the parts of reality that make them uncomfortable.", "web standards" wordt er getypeerd als "A large stick or cudgel, used by the slightly more anal-retentive to beat the slightly less anal-retentive."
Allebei "right-on", maar toch haalt deze "Devil's dictionary" het voorlopig niet bij z'n voorbeeld: de échte "Devil's dictionary", afgewerkt in 1906, het werk van 
Ambrose Bierce. De advocaat van de duivel in hem liet deze sardonicus dingen zeggen als:
- ABORIGINIES, n.  Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.  They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
- BELLADONNA, n.  In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison.  A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
- CHILDHOOD, n.  The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
- DEFENCELESS, adj.  Unable to attack.
- ECONOMY, n.  Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.
- FAITH, n.  Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
- GRAVE, n.  A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
- HAPPINESS, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another."
- IDIOT, n.  A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
- JEALOUS, adj.  Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.
- KLEPTOMANIAC, n.  A rich thief.
- LAWYER, n.  One skilled in circumvention of the law.
- MARRIAGE, n.  The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
- NOVEMBER, n.  The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
- OCEAN, n.  A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
- POLITICS, n.  A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.  The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
- QUEEN, n.  A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.
- REVOLUTION, n.  In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. 
- SAINT, n.  A dead sinner revised and edited.
- TRUTH, n.  An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time.
- ULTIMATUM, n.  In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
- VOTE, n.  The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
- WEATHER, n.  The climate of the hour.  A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned.
- YEAR, n.  A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
Deze excellente overlevingsgids voor de cynicus in u valt overigens volledig gratis te consulteren. 
Alhier.

15:23 Gepost door Luna | Permalink | Commentaren (0) |  Facebook |

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